The Lame Shall Walk

1. Thanks to SMS, you have an extra large thumb.

2. Tks 2 SMS, u oso dun no how 2 spel anymor. (I oso say)

3. You pat bus seats and even MRT seats to cool them before you sit down.

4. At lunch, you start discussing what to eat for dinner.

5. Your wedding photos include shots of you dressed up like Louis XIV,Michael Jackson, or Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet in Titanic.

6. When speaking to foreigners, you somehow feel a need to adopt an accent.

7. You won't raise your voice to protest policies, but you'll raise your fists to whack someone over Hello Kitty.

8. You're forever talking about businesses you want to set up but will probably never get around to starting.

9. You don't know 3/4 of the people attending your wedding.

10. You separate food into 2 basic groups: 'heaty' and 'cooling'.

11. You think that what makes you 'married' is not the legal registration but whether you've thrown a 12 course dinner.

12. You marry for the real estate breaks.

13. You have kids for the tax advantages.

14. You move to where you want your child to go to school.

15. You force your children to take Speech & Drama classes, but pray they won't wind up in Arts later on.

16. You suddenly realize you're very interested in biotech - just like yousuddenly realized three years ago that you were very interested ine-commerce, and before that, engineering, and before that, medicine and law.

17. You think people are inconsiderate when they don't leave their table immediately after eating at the food court but think you have every right to take 25 bites to finish the last red bean in your ice kachang.

18. You find it impossible to make suggestions without drawing a fishbonechart first! (OMG so funny, i nearly died laughing. Here's to WITS!)

19. If you're a guy, whenever you get together with your guy friends, you invariably trade army stories.

20. You think the most important sporting event in Singapore this year was David Beckham switching from Manchester United to Real Madrid.

21. You've eaten more times at the Esplanade than you've actually seen shows there.

22. You need campaigns to tell you how to be courteous, to flush toilets,have sex, etc.

23. You always feel oddly hungry at 11 pm, and are willing to drive to faraway places for supper.

24. You work at McDonald's when you're old rather than young.

25. You'll gladly spend $50,000 on a car, but will go to great lengths to save a few bucks on ERP charges or even a few cents on a parking coupon.

26. If you're pregnant, you have the strange ability to make people on theMRT fall asleep instantly. (LOL I like this one too!)

27. You've started referring to foreign employees as 'talent' instead of'expatriates'.

28. At the dinner table, you're always discussing which other food places serve better versions of what you're eating.

29. You copy down license plate numbers of cars involved in accidents.

30. You think your boyfriend doesn't really love you unless he gives youpart of his liver.

31. You pronounce the letter 'R' as 'ah-rer' and the letter 'H' as 'haytch'. (ah-rer? Wrong Meh?)

32. No matter how old you are, you keep associating people with theirsecondary schools. (Alternative: No matter how old you are, you secretly need toknow what other people got for their PSLE, O levels and A levels.)

33. You believe that you can generate 'creativity' through rules and committees.

34. You 'chope' a seat by placing a packet of tissues on the chair. (Or a Bible. Or a bulletin. Haha!)

35. You diligently track the whereabouts of your favourite hawkers, i.e. youknow that the famous Tiong Bahru Bao is now in Jurong, the famous OutramChar Kuay Teow is now in Hong Lim Centre and the famous Lau Hock KienHokkien mee from the old Lau Pa Sat is now at Beach Road.

36. You think we're living in a modern, sophisticated country even when our leaders still insist on wearing their school uniforms. (This is the best! LOL!)

One day, Mr Bean gets a new born child. So he starts filling the birth certificate. At the same time, a couple who are touring India,met him and congratulated him on getting a son. Mr Bean is very happy. The next day, the couple go to Delhi. There they find the very same Bean writing the very same form. The puzzled couple approached Mr Bean and asked him " Mr Bean, yesterday, we saw you at Mumbai filling the same certificate,but today you are here?" Mr Bean replies "I came here because on the certificate it said: "WRITE IN CAPITAL."


At the examination hall, Mr Bean was reading the instructions on the question paper before crying out in despair. He thought for a while and started stripping his shirt,pants,& hellip; On seeing that, the invigilator rushed forward and asked "Bean why are you stripping yourself?" To which Mr Bean replied "But the instruction say: ANSWER IN BRIEF.


The doctor told Mr Bean that if he ran eight kilometres a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days,Mr Bean called the doctor to report he had lost weight, but he had a problem. "What's the problem?" asked the doctor. "I'm 2400 km from home."


2 Beans got fed up with the Indian Govt and decided to blow up the parliament.They take 2 bombs, put them in a suitcase in the front seat of their car and set off. One asks the other "What happens if the bombs blast off now?" The other says "Don't worry. I have a spare bomb in the back seat"


Mr Bean was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column "SALARY EXPECTED". He was not sure what to write there After much thought he wrote : Yes.

Taufik's family members are :
Father - Taupok
Mother - Taufu
Brother - Taugua
Sister - Tauhuay

Favourite Vege - Taugay
Favourite Food - Tausa bao
Favourite Drink - Tauni
Favourite Dessert - Tausuan

How many first year engineering students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That's a second year subject.

How many second year engineering students does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the rest of the class copies the report.

How many third year engineering students does it take to change a light bulb?
"Will this question be in the final examination?"

How many civil engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to do it and one to steady the chandelier.

How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They simply redefine darkness as the industry standard.

How many computer engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
"Why bother? The socket will be obsolete in six months anyway."

How many mechanical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, one to calculate the force required, one to design a tool with which to turn the bulb, one to design a comfortable - but functional - hand grip, and one to use all this equipment.

How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.

There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of a sudden he sees a shark in the water, so he starts swimming furiously towards his boat.

As he looks back, he sees the shark turn and head towards him. He's scared to death, and as he sees the jaws of the great white beast open, revealing its horrific teeth, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!"

In an instant, time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?"

Confused, and knowing he can't lie, the man replies, "Well, that's true I don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you ?"

The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light retracts back into the heavens. The man feels the water move once again.

As the atheist looks back, he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back.

Shocked, the man watches as the huge beast closes its eyes, bows its head and says, "Thank you Lord for this food which I am about to receive..."

Ah Pek and Ah Ma were lying in bed one night.

The husband was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.

She said, "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily, he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said, "Then, you used to kiss me."

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said, "Then, you used to bite my neck."

Angrily, he threw back the bed covers, got out of bed and walk away.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"To get my teeth lah!"

(disclaimer... i just foUnd this fUnny... not that me a racist...)

My dear Jagjit, I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there. I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles.

I won't be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed there took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address.

Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here, n that our address will remain same too. This place is really nice.

It even has a washing machine, situated right above the toilet I'm not sure it works too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.

Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.

By the way I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is Badmash. He told her that two piece swimming suit is not allowed in his club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove?

Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.

Your uncle, Jetinder fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried in the sea after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father.

There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
Love Mom.

P.S : Jagjit, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter.