The Lame Shall Walk

hmm realised that this site is gathering cobwebs... when i saw the date of last pOst in my dashboard.. i thought.. ah huh..revival to this blog.. turns out.. nah... nothing new...

i guessed most of us have moved on... (from glory to glory..) so.. the lame had arise and walked.. hence.. meaning.. an end to this site?

thank you for the wonderful "lame" memories though... :)

Okaaaaaaaaaaay.
I have no idea why this came about, but there's tis website full of Episode III puns about potatos. Quite hilarious reading. lol.

Haha.. the ah-beng version of Episode III..
This is funny!!

http://mysterytanlines.blogspot.com/2005/05/rebate-of-sip.html

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the
law."
~ David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he
failed to pay his taxes

"They gave me a book of checks. They didn't ask for any deposits."
~ Congressman Joe Early (D-Mass) at a press conference to answer
questions about the House Bank scandal

"He didn't say that. He was reading what was given to him in a speech."
~ Richard Darman, director of OMB, explaining why President Bush wasn't
following up on his campaign pledge that there would be no loss of
wetlands

"It depends on your definition of asleep. They were not stretched out.
They had their eyes closed. They were seated at their desks with their
heads in a nodding position."
~ John Hogan, Commonwealth Edison Supervisor of News Information,
responding to a charge by a Nuclear Regulatory Commission inspector that two
Dresden Nuclear Plant operators were sleeping on the job

"I didn't accept it. I received it."
~ Richard Allen, National Security Advisor to President Reagan,
explaining the $1000 in cash and two watches he was given by two Japanese
journalists after he helped arrange a private interview for them with First
Lady Nancy Reagan

"I was a pilot flying an airplane and it just so happened that where I
was flying made what I was doing spying."
~ Francis Gary Power, U-2 reconnaissance pilot held by the Soviets for
spying, in an interview after he was returned to the US

"I was under medication when I made the decision not to burn the
tapes."
~ President Richard Nixon

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of
your life."
~ Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a
federal anti-smoking campaign

"I support efforts to limit the terms of members of Congress,
especially members of the House and members of the Senate."
~ Vice-President Dan Quayle

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates
in the country."
~ Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.

"Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of
something else anyway."
~ Othal Brand, member of a Texas pesticide review board, on chlordane

"Beginning in February 1976 your assistance benefits will be
discontinued. Reason: it has been reported to our office that you expired on
January 1, 1976."
~ Letter from the Illinois Department of Public Aid

"The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make
them unsafe."
~ Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia

"I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly
underpolluted."
~ Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank, explaining why
we should export toxic wastes to Third World countries

"The crime bill passed by the Senate would reinstate the Federal death
penalty for certain violent crimes: assassinating the President;
hijacking an airliner; and murdering a government poultry inspector."
~ Knight-Ridder News Service dispatch

"After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal,
the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of
David Steele to the post."
~ Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode Island

~ Astronaut: "Nearer My God, To Thee"
~ Barber: "A Parting Hymn We Sing"
~ Baseball Batter: "Seek Thee First"
~ Builder: "How Firm A Foundation" and "The Church's One Foundation"
~ Canoeist: "Flow, River, Flow"
~ Carpenter: "The Nail Scarred Hand"
~ Children's Librarian: "We've A Story To Tell"
~ Civil Engineer: "When I Survey The Wondrous Cross"
~ Dentist: "Crown Him With Many Crowns"
~ Electrician: "O Joyful Light" and "Send The Light"
~ Fisherman: "Shall We Gather At The River?"
~ Golfer: "There Is A Green Hill Far Away"
~ Gossiper: "Pass It On,"
~ Historian: "Tell Me The Old, Old Story"
~ IRS: "All To Thee (I Owe)" and "We Give Thee But Thine Own"
~ Jogger: "The Path Of Life"
~ Lifeguard: "Come To The Water"
~ Long-Distance Trucker: "On The Highways And Byways Of Life"
~ Mathematician: "10,000 Times, 10,000 Times"
~ Medical Technician: "Revive Us Again"
~ Mountain Climber: "The Rock That Is Higher Than I"
~ Newlywed: "I Need Thee Every Hour"
~ Obstetrician: "He Is Able To Deliver Thee"
~ Optometrist: "Open Mine Eyes That I Might See"
~ Paratrooper: "Now On Land And Sea Descending"
~ Philosopher: "I Am Thinking Today"
~ Politician: "Standing On The Promises"
~ Real Estate Agent: "I've Got A Mansion"
~ Sailboater: "Deep River"
~ Sceptic: "Almost Persuaded"
~ Shopper: "Sweet By And By"
~ Speech Therapist: "He Never Said A Mumbling Word"
~ Steeple Builder: "Lift High The Cross"
~ Stonecutter: "Rock Of Ages"
~ Switchboard Operator: "There's A Call Comes Ringing"
~ Tailor: "Holy, Holy, Holy"
~ Voice Teacher: "Sing Them Over Again To Me"
~ Watchmaker: "Take Time To Be Holy"
~ Watchman: "Silent Night"
~ Weatherman: "There Shall Be Showers Of Blessings"

This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed.It is reported to have been listed in The Atlanta Journal.

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicityunimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play.I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck,hunting, camping, and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying bythe fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of yourhand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work;wearing only what nature gave me. Call (404) 875-6420 and askfor Daisy, I'll be waiting...

Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta HumaneSociety about an 8-week-old black Labrador retriever.

1. Thanks to SMS, you have an extra large thumb.

2. Tks 2 SMS, u oso dun no how 2 spel anymor. (I oso say)

3. You pat bus seats and even MRT seats to cool them before you sit down.

4. At lunch, you start discussing what to eat for dinner.

5. Your wedding photos include shots of you dressed up like Louis XIV,Michael Jackson, or Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet in Titanic.

6. When speaking to foreigners, you somehow feel a need to adopt an accent.

7. You won't raise your voice to protest policies, but you'll raise your fists to whack someone over Hello Kitty.

8. You're forever talking about businesses you want to set up but will probably never get around to starting.

9. You don't know 3/4 of the people attending your wedding.

10. You separate food into 2 basic groups: 'heaty' and 'cooling'.

11. You think that what makes you 'married' is not the legal registration but whether you've thrown a 12 course dinner.

12. You marry for the real estate breaks.

13. You have kids for the tax advantages.

14. You move to where you want your child to go to school.

15. You force your children to take Speech & Drama classes, but pray they won't wind up in Arts later on.

16. You suddenly realize you're very interested in biotech - just like yousuddenly realized three years ago that you were very interested ine-commerce, and before that, engineering, and before that, medicine and law.

17. You think people are inconsiderate when they don't leave their table immediately after eating at the food court but think you have every right to take 25 bites to finish the last red bean in your ice kachang.

18. You find it impossible to make suggestions without drawing a fishbonechart first! (OMG so funny, i nearly died laughing. Here's to WITS!)

19. If you're a guy, whenever you get together with your guy friends, you invariably trade army stories.

20. You think the most important sporting event in Singapore this year was David Beckham switching from Manchester United to Real Madrid.

21. You've eaten more times at the Esplanade than you've actually seen shows there.

22. You need campaigns to tell you how to be courteous, to flush toilets,have sex, etc.

23. You always feel oddly hungry at 11 pm, and are willing to drive to faraway places for supper.

24. You work at McDonald's when you're old rather than young.

25. You'll gladly spend $50,000 on a car, but will go to great lengths to save a few bucks on ERP charges or even a few cents on a parking coupon.

26. If you're pregnant, you have the strange ability to make people on theMRT fall asleep instantly. (LOL I like this one too!)

27. You've started referring to foreign employees as 'talent' instead of'expatriates'.

28. At the dinner table, you're always discussing which other food places serve better versions of what you're eating.

29. You copy down license plate numbers of cars involved in accidents.

30. You think your boyfriend doesn't really love you unless he gives youpart of his liver.

31. You pronounce the letter 'R' as 'ah-rer' and the letter 'H' as 'haytch'. (ah-rer? Wrong Meh?)

32. No matter how old you are, you keep associating people with theirsecondary schools. (Alternative: No matter how old you are, you secretly need toknow what other people got for their PSLE, O levels and A levels.)

33. You believe that you can generate 'creativity' through rules and committees.

34. You 'chope' a seat by placing a packet of tissues on the chair. (Or a Bible. Or a bulletin. Haha!)

35. You diligently track the whereabouts of your favourite hawkers, i.e. youknow that the famous Tiong Bahru Bao is now in Jurong, the famous OutramChar Kuay Teow is now in Hong Lim Centre and the famous Lau Hock KienHokkien mee from the old Lau Pa Sat is now at Beach Road.

36. You think we're living in a modern, sophisticated country even when our leaders still insist on wearing their school uniforms. (This is the best! LOL!)

One day, Mr Bean gets a new born child. So he starts filling the birth certificate. At the same time, a couple who are touring India,met him and congratulated him on getting a son. Mr Bean is very happy. The next day, the couple go to Delhi. There they find the very same Bean writing the very same form. The puzzled couple approached Mr Bean and asked him " Mr Bean, yesterday, we saw you at Mumbai filling the same certificate,but today you are here?" Mr Bean replies "I came here because on the certificate it said: "WRITE IN CAPITAL."


At the examination hall, Mr Bean was reading the instructions on the question paper before crying out in despair. He thought for a while and started stripping his shirt,pants,& hellip; On seeing that, the invigilator rushed forward and asked "Bean why are you stripping yourself?" To which Mr Bean replied "But the instruction say: ANSWER IN BRIEF.


The doctor told Mr Bean that if he ran eight kilometres a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days,Mr Bean called the doctor to report he had lost weight, but he had a problem. "What's the problem?" asked the doctor. "I'm 2400 km from home."


2 Beans got fed up with the Indian Govt and decided to blow up the parliament.They take 2 bombs, put them in a suitcase in the front seat of their car and set off. One asks the other "What happens if the bombs blast off now?" The other says "Don't worry. I have a spare bomb in the back seat"


Mr Bean was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column "SALARY EXPECTED". He was not sure what to write there After much thought he wrote : Yes.